Goals: Failures and Successes

What better time to talk about goals than on the Chinese New Year.

Goals

Does the word goal make you cringe inwardly a little? Sometimes I feel like it attaches meaning to something that I don’t really want to do, but must get done, like my statistics homework that I’m pushing out to do tomorrow instead of right now.

Why? Because I attach a higher priority to my writing. Although learning and understanding how it applies to psychology is an important skill and a required course to complete my long-haul hopes and dreams, I L-O-V-E to write. Writing hits that feel-good receptor.

I bet you know what this segue is leaning towards.

If you guessed running, you get a virtual fist bump. 

Let’s just say that goals aren’t for dreamers. Don’t get me wrong, this is a great stepping stone towards the “G” word, and do I ever like to dream with the best of them.

Unfortunately, for the dreamer, like myself, I have to jump off the cloud and take my Care Bear tushy down to my reality like (quick side note: I imagine the Care Bears every time I think about what it would be like to live in the clouds if  they weren’t really made out of water droplets like the scientists say), “Why do I smell ____?” or the Majority question in the Haros house, “What are we having for dinner?” As if I know the answer, SMH. I wouldn’t use that shortened form unless I actually did that, which I often do. I think it’s equivalent to the eye roll for teenagers. We parents have our own language. We shake our heads for a myriad of reasons, but I won’t discuss that today.

Goals require action…

Whatever your stance is on goals, there is no side stepping option available here. Goals are for those who are all about action. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like talking about something unless I’m actually going to do something about it.

As of late running has once again grabbed at my soul.

Running is the adrenaline rush, the breathing in and out, the one step after the other, the feeling of the sun on my skin…the untapped potential just beneath the surface of my very being.

This is the place where I feel like anything and everything can happen…when I truly believe that ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

Let me rephrase that. ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH GOD. I know that without Him in my corner, I wouldn’t be able to do the things I have been fortunate enough to do.

In regards to that rush, this is how I feel when I run. If that rush could be bottled up and stored, no one would ever have to experience those lows, but then again how could we ever enjoy those highs? One is not possible without the other.

With all that said, it’s time to prove to myself that I can run a 100-mile race.

I know it can be done and I also know from prior experience that it can’t always be done.

Did you see what I said there? Let me say it one more time. Just because you want something bad enough, even if God has you, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll get it.

It took many failures to get me there. My ego was knocked to the curb and my vulnerabilities exposed. Humbled much? Too many times to count.

Greenlights weren’t happening when I attempted the 100 mile race at Zion 100, Keys 100, Wild Sebastian, Daytona 100, and Atacama Extreme 100.

I don’t have a great track record of 100- mile distance finishes, but it shows that I tried. In my life time, I have completed the distance twice. Those finishes meant a whole lot more.

The same goes for my writing. There were several rejections, before my essays were accepted. Once again, those failures made my successes that much sweeter.

How did I get from point A to point B?

I didn’t give up. I kept pushing because I knew I could get it done.

At this point, I feel like I’m giving myself a pep talk. Hope this speaks to you in some way.

I will continue to chip away at my running milestones just as I did before I completed my first 100. How? One step at a time.

If you are a writer, how do you get there? One word at a time.

# # #

Just like any goal, you have to visualize the outcome.

Close your eyes.

Now bask in the feeling of your accomplishment.

Can you see yourself there? Holding that buckle? Or that diploma or that finished book in print?

Whatever goal you have. It’s in you. This is what I have to remind myself on the daily. I am my own roadblock at times. Those negative thoughts are like land mines.

In my own experience, I notice that every time I take my eyes off a goal, I step on a mental land mine and that outcome is never pretty. The moment I do, everything seems to go wrong. One catastrophe to the next.

I’m now ever slowly learning that I need to say a prayer to God asking Him for help and guidance. I also ask my friends to lift me up with their positive vibes. Both of these options are provided to all of us. You just have to ask.

Interested in goal achieving?

Here are some easy steps to follow. If you’re already in the middle of these steps. Let me know how it’s going.

1. Create a goal. Write down your why. Make sure it’s big enough to get you out of bed every day.

2. Write down the steps it will take to get you there. Work backwards from the finish to the beginning. This will put in a different head space.

3.  Ask others who may have accomplished your goal. Just ask and I guarantee they will help you out.

4. Get to it and accomplish your goal. I’ll be cheering you on.

Half Empty or Half Full?

I have read and used psychology throughout my life. Next month I begin my journey towards my Ph.D. in Psychology. Unfortunately, people won’t take me seriously without that paper that says, Desiree Sharon Haros, is certifiably able to say, “blah, blah, blah.” Listen to her because she has a Ph.D.

I have already joined the ranks of the overeducated with a Master’s in English and Creative Writing. I’m a better writer because of that degree. I wouldn’t have done it any other way.

I should have a Ph.D. in Ultra Running and Living if you know what I mean. This is the part where my husband comes in and uses his best Will Smith impression of, “You know what I’m sayin’.”

People hate/love relationships with honesty. When my husband is being honest, I tell him he needs to be less forthcoming. He replies, “So I can’t be honest.” He throws his hands up in the air (not to show that he just doesn’t care) but says, “I can’t win for losing.” He says something to that effect and I instantly know where that comes from. His father sees the glass as half empty.

Anthony was told he couldn’t show sensitivity, because that would make him appear weak. Instead, he’s now having to work through feeling his feelings rather than bottle it all up inside.

# # #

My mom bottled her anger up for years when she was with my stepfather, who for all intents and purposes is the person I still call dad.

My dad passed away in December 2019 and I’m just beginning to unpack it all.

Unfortunately, because of a financial loss to the tune of $60K, my dad and I stopped talking. My mother kept the lines of communication open.

During one conversation with my mother, my father grabbed the phone and yelled into the receiver, “Where the hell is our money?” I told him that we didn’t have it. As far as I knew, we didn’t have anything near the amount he wanted…and he wanted to be paid back in full.

He couldn’t understand how a person could lose thousands of dollars. It was 2009, the economy had crashed and the real estate bubble exploded.

Petty?

“Yes!” Money cannot replace a life.

# # #

Throughout my childhood and as an adult, I thought he was an arsehole. Strangers, family friends, and even my friends saw a side of him that wasn’t always apparent to me. When he let his guard down, he acted in childlike wonderment when it came to Halloween candy distribution, Christmas lights, taffy, Disneyland, and car shows.

This photo was taken near Hawthorne, NV at a shooting range.

What I didn’t understand was that he was the best dad he could be for me because of his life experience. He and I didn’t understand what it meant to love unconditionally.

I never got the chance to tell him I loved him.

# # #

There were times throughout my life he was extremely mean to people, so much so he could make cashiers and waitresses cry. I call it the Bonaparte/ Short man Syndrome, but what it really was about, went back to abandonment issues he experienced from not having his mother in his life from the beginning of his life. get. He was born on January 27, 1942, in Lancaster, NY.

My dad- Louis Joseph Christopher Bania

He lived in two different foster homes. One of them was in Machias, NY, another small town outside of Ashford, not too far away from West Valley.

When he was 16 years old he found out where she lived and came knocking on her door. It was a shock to his mother. Her husband and two young sons soon found out she had a baby at 14 years of age.

He didn’t stay long. He thought she was overprotective and made his way to the West Coast. The twists and turns don’t end there.

Join me next week, when I talk about my sister, Penny. Bet you didn’t know I had a sister.

Circa 1960s, Seattle, WA. He’s on the far right, standing.

Lesson Learned

Forgive your loved ones and tell them you love them. Do not let the pettiness of material things thwart familial relationships.

Disclaimer: I understand some relationships are toxic, as my husband likes to say, “Babe, be the bigger person.” Tell them you love them anyway. Smother them with kindness…from a distance and pray for them always.