This is Part 2 of The Addiction. Part 1 is available here on my blog. After leaving Mormonism, I threw myself into the sport of ultra running, got remarried for the 2nd time to another runner. As I said in Part 1, I realized that we had love, but it wasn’t for each other. It was for running. During that time of realization, the man I met at work changed how I understood the meaning of love.
Love Found
I’m not religious, but the scripture Solomon 3:4 states it perfectly, “I have found whom my soul loveth.” I can’t help but get all sappy when I talk about my husband, Anthony. He is the love of my life. He is all the clichés and then some and the cheesy love songs.
Younger
Here’s a truth bomb. He is younger than me by 12 years. He turned 30 this year and I turned 42. Have you watched the show Younger? Yeah, I can relate to the main character, Liz, more than I’d like to admit. You wouldn’t believe how much research I did wondering if it would and could work between us because of our age difference. It can work, if you both want it.
We now have two beautiful children (ages 2 and 1 both girls) together and I am excited for what our future holds. So yeah, I wanted to tell everyone on my old FB account that our relationship came in the form of a whirlwind, but we have come out of it deeply rooted in each other, so there. I’m sticking my tongue out at them, as I write this.
No Sugar Coating
Skip ahead to The Recovery, if you can’t stand the mushy love stuff. I’m not going to sugar coat our relationship in any way. We are a passionate couple. at times very much Bi-Polar. We are each others right kind of crazy. We have seen each other at our absolute worst and have come through the fire unscathed, we just have tougher skin. There are highs and lows. We fight hard (the neighbors can attest to that) and love 10x times harder, but even when we hit those extreme lows, there’s no one else I’d rather spend my time here with on this earth. I have never loved this hard. He is the person I would give any of my organs to.
I know, organs, right? This is some serious love thought right there. Organ donation of all things wasn’t something I thought about until he came into my life. You just don’t go around thinking those kind of thoughts about that special new someone. I would give him whatever he needs to keep him by my side. We have been together for 3 years going through and incredible amount of shit. I will count the ways at a later date. If you asked us how long we’ve been married, we’d say anywhere form 5-10 years. How is it possible? We both became selfless.
I Love You
Go on and think of some things that wouldn’t make you love your significant other anymore. Now write those down. What if it was you that did all the wrong things? Wouldn’t you appreciate the same kind of gesture of forgiveness your partner would give to you? We are all imperfect for each other. Why do we become involved with someone? Most likely because they said those famous three words. I love you. Of course it’s more than just words. How does that person prove they love you? They show you through a series of actions and then they keep doing the action until it becomes a habit. The person becomes an extension of you. Of all the lessons learned in my life, I have learned about the deeper kind of love, the unconditional kind. Go ahead and roll your eyes. I know I am cheesy, but as God and the Universe is my witness that is a hard feat to accomplish. We both have our share of imperfections, but have decided together that we would love each other regardless, because if one of us passed on tomorrow, no part of any list of wrongs would matter.
Love is an action that needs to be repeated for maximum effectiveness. It is a joint effort. We both have to work at it. It is hard to be vulnerable to the person you love. The what ifs can spiral me out of control and it is the same for him. I have entered marriage three times now. I am not one to dole out marriage help, but I have learned that every relationship is different. I believe the relationship with the person you need to be with is the one you are terrified of ever losing.
We both have our hurts and showing those vulnerabilities to one another is a difficult and ongoing process.
He loves the imperfect me and tells me I am perfect the way I am and hot AF, especially when I wear my glasses. I wear my glasses a whole lot more because of him. He accepts my knitting and doesn’t consider it an old lady hobby. My mother doesn’t even knit and she’s 80! Sorry, I guess that’s me projecting. His words zing into my heart every time he tells me how beautiful I am.
I still remember the day he asked me if I knew how to use the coffee maker in the break room at work in his deep and husky voice he said, “Hey Desiree .blah, blah, blah, blah”
I wasn’t listening to what he said, I was listening to how he said it. Our worlds collided and we jumped into the waters of a relationship that couldn’t possibly last, if you saw the odds, but has managed to continue to thrive. I listened to no one, but my heart and for once got the love thing right.
When I think about that moment, my stomach still gets those ridiculous butterflies. My heart quickens whenever he comes into the room or kisses me lightly right in between my forehead. I think he is the hottest thing to walk the planet. He doesn’t believe me either when I tell him he’s perfect the way he is, but that is my truth. I call it like it is. My oldest friends will tell you that’s how I have always been.
He is my greatest support. If it weren’t for him, my writings wouldn’t exist. They would have remained intentions.
This is me shouting my love for him from the rooftops. I think this counts as a public declaration of love, if nothing else, it lets others know that love like this really exists. Brandy and Monica said it best in their duet circa 1998, That Boy is Mine.
Some Words About FB
At the time of this post I have 216 friends and counting. I have a few friend requests, so hopefully they won’t think it’s a made up account. My original account I had 4,000 friends. Quality over quantity.
I will be the first to say that I didn’t want my husband to have his own FB account. Why not you ask? It’s just FB. But as life experience has shown and as our own UPS man can attest, (who randomly told my husband he was getting a divorce because his wife had rekindled an old flame on FB).
Be Mindful
I have told my husband before this incident that married couples have broken up because of FB. Note: That was not how my past marriages ended, but I know it happens and it occurs frequently. When married couples are unsatisfied with their relationship, FB can turn into a place for those seeking comfort and a listening ear. Starting your conversations with marriage problems can lead you straight to divorce court. If you must talk, seek professional help or the more obvious option, talk to your spouse. Even the most stable marriages can tumble down just like Jenga. As a word of caution, don’t type anything you wouldn’t want your significant other to see.
The Recovery
As you all know I’m on a different trajectory these days. Leaving the world of running, brought out my passion to write. Well, more like gave me the energy to write. It’s another addiction, but unlike running it brings me closer to my family and friends on a much deeper level.
Not only am I doing it full-time from the comfort of my home, but I get to spend more time watching my babies grow up.
What Have I Learned
I learned that there is a healthy balance to my addictions. I know the cues. I have also have learned that the truest of friends will be there for you unconditionally. Love is real and the truest are the relationships you have with friends and family.
Thank all for your continued support!
desireeharos.com 